Edit: I’m pretty much just leaving this entry here for the discussion that ensued in the comments section, which had little to do with the blog itself.
That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty… you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.
—J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
Holden Caulfield in J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye can’t help occasionally caring about (or falling “half in love” with) girls he has no clear reason to care about.
This is precisely what has happened to me with Mal Malloy. I will now explain why this minor crush is not entirely emotionally retarded.
It was an accident
I came across Mal Malloy’s videos a few days ago while quite innocently looking up girls with big butts. That part of my plan worked out brilliantly.
What I hadn’t expected to do is spend ten minutes just listening to her talk—and in the process realize that she is a really cool girl with an unbelievably cute personality and not a small amount of humility.
I’ve been a lot happier now with my body. It’s—mine, that’s for sure. And there’s people that find it very sexy. Most people would think it’s hideous or something. But that’s life, and I’m glad that there’s people that really, really like it.
She’s not just cute in her speech and mannerisms, or how she feels awkward talking about sexual stuff, or how she doesn’t act like she’s the shit—you get a real sense of general niceness about her. And she has a good sense of humor.
I watched a video of a gorgeous girl and wound up ogling her personality.
A quick search turned up an interview with her as well, in which she explained why she took down her YouTube channel a while back:
Well, in part it’s because of my decision to pursue a career in the Medical Field. It’s not just that having sexualized videos might lower my chances of getting accepted to a good Medical School, but also that my job and life will be devoted to caring for other people. I have to be strong emotionally and learn to be as selfless as I can.
I decided that evening that things like overwhelming positive attention can be very addictive and have a very negative effect on how I view and interact with other people. I would like to stay humble and not let that sort of thing go to my head.
I don’t pretend to know this girl in any real way, but what I’ve seen indicates that she’s a funny, genuine, relatively selfless person.
And not too nice, either. You see just the right amount of naughty if you look at her Tumblr page. (Which also evidences her artistic tastes. The girl’s got a lot of great personality points.)
What I don’t mind
If I knew Mal Malloy in real life, dating her would be on my to-do list. But I don’t. Once you multiply probability factors like (1) getting in touch with her, (2) standing out as someone who’s actually not a creep, (3) location (no idea), the product of that equation is a very slim chance that dating her is a realistic outcome.
Fine. Like I said, it’s only a crush. She’s incredibly cute, but I’ll live.
What I do mind
Something else irritates the fuck out of me: the horny dogs who fuel the evil machine of the internet.
Some of the comments on her videos make me sick. “Phat booty wanna suck yo ass blah blah.” Comments like that make me momentarily embarrassed to be male.
(And, to be honest, I’m generally unsettled by this nice girl being objectified by thousands of men. But that’s just me being over-sensitive.)
I’m sure she expects lewd comments and rude messages. I’m sure it doesn’t get to her.
Also, I would be pretty arrogant to conceive of myself as so much better than the other guys.
Nevertheless, I have this impulse to post my own comment: “She’s not an object, you pigs! She’s a nice person! A real person! Show her some bloody respect!“
As Holden Caulfield might say, those bastards kill me.
Don’t worry, my reaction is just as funny to me as it is to you.
There’s another video in which she describes her favorite sexual positions. My God, there are men in this world who have had sex with this woman! Never mind the simple jealousy I feel toward those
lucky sons of bitches dudes. I find myself thinking things like, “I hope they actually cared about her and weren’t douchebags to her.”
I crack myself up—
- because it’s ridiculous for me to care about such things,
- because I actually mean it.
It’s been a very Catcher in the Rye experience.
To be clear
I’m not so conceited as to think that all these other men are horny pigs and I’m this noble guy who likes her for her personality (I arrived on her channel for the same reason they did). It only seems like that when I sit here and see lewd comments on her videos.
I certainly don’t think of her as a victim. She clearly enjoys the attention, and she’s got a choice in doing what she does.
My point is
So I find myself in the odd position of developing a light crush on a girl I’ve never met, and winding up caring about her to some degree.
It’s clear enough from watching her videos that she’s a cool and unique person. I hope she knows this. As much as I think it’s great that she has the confidence to show off her body, it’s not the sort of occupation you’d wish on a woman as a career. She will have to make a clean break from this business at some point if she’s going to pursue her real life goals, and I hope she does that.
And, of course, outside the tiny probability that her path and mine would ever cross, I hope she finds a really kick-ass man. (The lucky bastard.)
I crack myself up.
…There were about a million girls sitting and standing around waiting for their dates to show up… It was sort of depressing, too, because you kept wondering what the hell would happen to all of them. When they got out of school and college, I mean. You figured most of them would probably marry dopey guys. Guys that always talk about how many miles they get to a gallon in their goddam cars. Guys that get sore and childish as hell if you beat them at golf, or even just some stupid game like ping-pong. Guys that are very mean. Guys that never read books. Guys that are very boring.
—J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye