“It’s really depressing, isn’t it?” my friend said.
“What?” I asked.
“Seeing beautiful girls. It’s depressing.”
I didn’t admit that I agree with him.
But it is depressing. Not just in a “this is a wonderful thing you cannot have” sort of way, which is how it feels on the surface. The truth is that this wonderful thing is something I could have if I wanted it. I could be enough for a beautiful girl if I tried hard enough to be—if I desired happiness more than I fear it.
This doesn’t come down to ordinary fear of failure. Failing at making money or becoming famous, etc. is all bullshit compared to failure to deserve the attraction and attention of a female. If a girl fails to attract a man she can just chock it up to male superficiality; physical appearance is really the overwhelmingly important criterion for men. This is in no way an assessment of her value as a person. But your failure as a man to be good enough for a woman is a direct and honest judgment of your manhood: your success in life, your intelligence, your character, your maturity, your social value, your energy, and above all your ability to believe in yourself as a worthy human being. A woman’s rejection actually means something about you.
It is the female’s evolutionary role to be the picky one. It’s a strategy that’s worked for hundreds of thousands of years: men will fuck anything and women choose the future of the human race by only mating with the best males. (At least, that’s how it’s supposed to work. Females often make the mistake of mating with the wrong male—a mistake that every man hopes to be.) This is why in mythology, in our common symbolism, the feminine represents the future, the way forward, peace, happiness itself.
So not only is the clearest judgment coming down on your head when you’re rejected by a female, your genes are being selected against by nature. It’s not just her judgement. This is the universe telling you that it’s tossing you into its reject pile. The future has no use for you.
It makes approaching a female even more daunting when you know that she will judge you with in the first few seconds of interacting with you. She enters everything about you, from your diction to the traces of your body odor, into her assessment.
This is why it is nigh impossible to simply approach an unknown girl in public. You know that the main reason you’re bothering to talk to her at all is because you want to fuck her, and she probably understands this as well. If I were female, I’d be constantly disgusted by the knowledge that all these new males who are nice to me are doing so generally because they would like to repeatedly thrust their appendage into my birth canal. For most of our species’ existence, rape was much more common and much less punished than it is today—which is why women are still wary of unknown men in this sort of situation. As a male who finds himself attracted to said female but would not take her by force, you’ve got millennia of her mental programming working against you.
This same friend who made this remark about beautiful women being depressing also lent me a book on seduction. He thought it was funny and so did I—but we were clearly both interested enough to read it. (I finished it in a day; it was written at the level of Axe Body Spray clientele.) I actually found it to be surprisingly accurate, and I have no doubt that its techniques work. It basically came down to this: what attracts women is your perceived social value, so you just have to make it seem a lot higher than it really is—or at least higher than her value. You have to make it seem to her that you are above her. This is surprisingly easy to do. Keep other girls around you so that you seem safe and pre-approved, adopt confident body language, use certain words so that she wouldn’t feel slutty for sleeping with you, etc. Any system can be hacked and exploited.
But you have to want to hack that system in the first place. For some of us it’s easier to mope. It’s easier to see a beautiful girl and do nothing, smug with the assumption that she’d fall in love with you if she knew what you’re “really” like—meanwhile being too chickenshit to approach her because you know damn well that she’d despise you.
She’d like you until she got to know you.
This has happened to me many times. The closest thing I’ve ever had to a relationship was a long-distance relationship, which I felt comfortable with because it meant I never had to actually be near the girl. It was easy to get her to love me while we were separated. But once she actually spent some time with me in person, it only took a few days for all her feelings about me to unravel. I know why, too: because I assumed she didn’t really like me, and this assumption dictated my behavior. I felt half as big as her and I acted that way.
This has repeated itself countless times. Offhand, I can think of five girls who were attracted to me, and whose attraction I completely thwarted within an hour of our first date.
I can only think of two times that I’ve actually been myself around girls I was attracted to. And once (the time it really mattered) I was only able to do so by pretending I wasn’t attracted to her.
Self-destructive bad shit happens because of self-fulfilling prophecies and lack of belief in myself. What else is new?
The question now is: would further trial and rejection lift me out of this shitty cycle of despair, or would it only reinforce my belief in myself as a failure unworthy of propagating my genes? Do I really want to throw myself in the way of nature’s judgment again?
I don’t have an answer at this time because I haven’t yet gotten to the point where I quit bitching and do something right.